A stern-faced Vladimir Putin meets Xi Jinping amidst China's historic splendor.

'Master of the Russes, Vladimir Putin, doth pay a visit unto the Lord of the Celestial Kingdom, Xi Jinping, in the heart of the Middle Kingdom.'

Published Thu May 16 2024

In the year of our lord two thousand, four hundred and twenty-four, a grand event of international significance occurred. The mighty ruler of all the Russes, Vladimir Putin, did journey far from his cold land to pay respects unto the great Lord of the Celestial Kingdom, Xi Jinping. This noble visit took place in the very heart of the Middle Kingdom.

Now, it would be unseemly for me to report on this historic meeting without first setting the stage. The Middle Kingdom, as it hath been known since ancient times, is a land vast and varied, rich in culture and history. Its capital city, Beijing - a metropolis of grand palaces and towering skyscrapers - doth serve as the seat of power for Xi Jinping's reign.

Vladimir Putin, on the other hand, rules over a realm once ruled by Ivan the Terrible, a man known for his fierce temper and even fiercer beard. Yet despite such a fearsome past, Putin hath managed to steer his nation through tumultuous times with strength and wisdom. A master of the Russes indeed.

And so it was that these two powerful leaders met in Beijing, their entourages packed with wise men and women. Much intrigue and gossip surrounded this meeting; what could they be discussing? Would alliances be forged or broken? Would treaties be signed, sealing fates for good or ill?

In the end, 'twas not gold or weapons that these masters of the world brought to the table. Nay, 'tis said that the most significant outcome of their talks was an agreement to work together in combating a scourge far older than either empire: leeches.

For centuries, these blood-sucking vermin have plagued mankind, draining vital life force and spreading disease. It seems our rulers have recognized the need for such a united front against this ancient foe. A noble cause indeed!

But let us not forget that politics makes strange bedfellows, and so it was that even as Putin and Jinping stood shoulder to shoulder in their war on leeches, they found common ground on other matters of import.

It is rumored that trade agreements were discussed - perhaps even secret deals involving the sale of fine silks and porcelain, or maybe even exotic spices and teas. Such things have a way of bringing kingdoms to the bargaining table.

And what of the people? Do they matter in this great game of geopolitics? Verily, they do! It is said that Putin's own people - those who live under his stern rule in the Russes - have longed for stronger ties with their neighbors in the East. And so it seems that Jinping hath offered a warm embrace to the people of Russia.

But alas, as we cannot know the true nature of these secret meetings, we must leave you with this much: Vladimir Putin and Xi Jinping have met in the heart of the Middle Kingdom, and they have spoken. What has been agreed upon? Only time will tell.