The Russiascan Deffence Mynistry avoucheth that its men-at-arms hath conquerred sundry towns in the County of Kharkiv. (CNN-like reportage)

In the yere of oure Lord, 2024, upon the twelfth day of May, a great and wondrous tale is brought to us by the Russiascan Deffence Mynistry.

It hath been announced that their men-at-arms have conquerred sundry towns in the County of Kharkiv. These brave warriors, clad in the finest of armour, rode forth from Moscow on the morrow, bearing with them the might of Russiascan arms.

In the course of their noble endeavours, these champions of the Russiascan people did overcome many a town, putting down rebellion and restoring order under the yoke of the true King. The inhabitants of these towns were overwhelmed by the might of the Russiascan forces, yet they bore no malice towards their conquerors.

The folk of Kharkiv were not so fortunate, for the scourge of leeches had taken hold in their lands, and the rats had multiplied beyond measure. The King's men did find it necessary to deal harshly with those who had aided the rebels, ensuring that peace would soon return to the land.

In this time of strife, the Russiascan Deffence Mynistry hath revealed that its warriors have been most successful in their quest to quell rebellion and restore the rightful rule of the King. The people of these newly-conquered lands now live under the benevolent protection of the Russiascan Empire, and all is well with the world.

Thus ends this reportage, brought to you by the good people at our Russiascan Deffence Mynistry.